For years (and even recently), I would’ve vehemently argued against using the word crisis to describe this life stage. Why? Because to me, the word crisis translates into there’s something wrong with me, and that's not normal. I’m slipping on my A game, and that’s not normal. I’m losing my sh*t, and that’s not normal. I’m an emotional ticking bomb, and that’s not normal. I should be farther along in life, and that’s not normal. The list goes on and on.
Even as I’m writing this, I feel like I have no right to complain because my life is by far “better” than others, but yet…I still feel lousy. I’ve learned to internalize, compartmentalize, and keep up the appearance. But all I’ve done is spin myself into a crisis that I believe has been building up for decades, and it just messy exploded all over the place. Some of you might be asking the same thing I’ve been asking myself lately.
Why now? Why at 47, 53, 63?
Because at 47...
I'm now ready to hear it.
I’m now ready to face it.
I’m now ready to start working through it instead of always going around it.
Let me dive deeper and offer a bit more perspective. We were raised in a generation that told us: “you can do it all” and “you can have it all.” In the 70s/80s/90s, we were entering the workforce in droves, bringing home the bacon, getting more degrees, and moving up the corporate ladders. Did I mention we also were still running our households too? We were picking up kids from school, making dinner, cleaning the house, doing chores and doing it all like we just stepped out of the salon.
Check out this :34 video about the “8-hour perfume for the 24-hour woman” by Enjoli that aired in 1979. WTF?
Did we ever stop to think, this is too much? I’m exhausted. I’m stretching myself to thin. I’m exhausted. Is this normal? I’m exhausted. Why has my workload nearly tripled, and my partner’s hasn’t? I’m exhausted.
The unequivocal answer is NO, it’s not feasible, sustainable and healthy. I’m exhausted being what others want me to be. Changing for those that don’t see my value as is and tired of putting everyone, but myself first. Heck, no doubt why I’m experiencing a midlife crisis! Life (and my body) has been telling me to slow down, but I was too busy staying the course believing “you can do it all” and “you can have it all” that it took one spiritual healer and my willingness to reconnect with my power as a woman to recognize that now is the time to work through my generational baggage, self-sabotage, hormonal chaos, and forks in the road in order to come out on the other side stronger, more self-aware, more appreciative of me, and more loyal to myself.
I’m now okay with the word crisis because this reality is a state of emergency that needs my attention. Now is not the time to look the other way and pretend it will just pass. Join the convo on our group page.
What do you think about the word crisis? Join the convo in the SecondActWomen Facebook Group.
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